This actually occured on this past Tuesday, but I have been preoccupied the last couple of days. Nevertheless, I think it's a humorousfull story that is worth telling (those of my followers, which probably number in the teens by now, who consider yourselves a prude should stop reading now).
This last Tuesday was the first game for many teams in the Champions League. For those that have now idea what that is, it's a league of all of Europe's best soccer teams. Now, I don't consider myself a soccer fan (which I know is almost sacriledge here in Germany) but I thought it would be fun to go to a bar/restaurant and watch the game with some friends.
We get to the bar and took a booth in the back with a view of the big screen TV and ordered our food and drinks. There was also a small table for two right in front of our booth. We knew it would be a pain to get out and use the bathroom if someone were to sit at the table, but we decided the view of the TV was worth it. Sure enough, however, a man and his wife sit down in front of us and begin to eat and watch the game. It's a trap!!!!
But, about halfway into the game the man gets up and goes somewhere, presumably the bathroom. He's gone for quite some time, so his wife takes the liberty of ordering him another beer. Some more time passes by and one of my friends makes it out to the bathroom and back while the man is still missing. More time passes and, though I don't have to pee with any particular urgency, I decide I too should go to the bathroom before this guy comes back so that I can avoid having to squeeze around him.
This is where you should stop reading if you ignored my earlier warning.
I go down to the bathroom and find it to be empty except for a man sitting on the toilet with his pants down and door open. He's resting his head on his hands and appears to be drunk. I think to myself, "Really? Really, dude? You're passed out drunk at 9:30 already?" It's awkward enough to pee with someone going in the urinal next to you, but it's even creepier to have some drunk guy staring at you from behind with his pants down.
Nevertheless, I had finished my business and turned to go when I decided I should try asking the guy if he's ok. Just as I turn to ask him if he's all right, the man stirs and begins asking for help. I can now see that he's extremely pail and sweaty, not drunk, and he's telling me to go get his with upstairs. I now realize that this is the same man who sat down in front of my friends and I upstairs.
I couldn't understand his explanation of what was wrong with him (I still have a lot of German to learn, and medical prognoses are still years away) so I rush upstairs to get his wife. Not knowing what's actually wrong with the guy, I just tell his wife that he's on the toilet and needs help. She follows me back down to the bathroom and asks her husband what is wrong with him. He tells her, but I still can't understand what he says.
She leaves me with him to go get the bartender. Upon arrival, the first thing the bartender asks if if the man ate anything prepared by the restaurant. When he finds out the answer is yes, he assures the wife that everything was freshly prepared. He then goes to call for an ambulance. Meanwhile, I can hear the man on the toilet, umm, defecating. It was an extremely awkward scene: a man unable to control his bowels sitting in plain view on the toilet with his wife kneeling next to him in the men's bathroom while I stand behind them both.
To my relief the wife says I can go and that she will wait for the ambulance. When I go upstairs my friends ask what happened. I tell them everything I know, but also that I still don't know what was wrong with the guy. One of my friends suggests that the man might have been constipated, but I assured her that I could hear the man going to the bathroom just fine.
A while later the wife comes back upstairs to collect her things. However, she makes sure to first finish her drink and doesn't appear to be in any great hurry. We ask her if everything is going to be ok and she responds by saying her husband only had "Durchfall." Not knowing what Durchfall was we looked it up on my friend's smart phone. Turns out Durchfall is the German word for diarrhea.
Now, I know that little kids in Africa can die from diarrhea because they get dehydrated, but I have no idea how diarrhea can be so bad that it could bring a grown man to his knees in a matter of 20-30 minutes. Nevertheless, the guy was in terrible shape when I found him, and I suppose he could have eventually died, so I suppose you could say I saved his life.
That deserves a medal or something, right?
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